Top Ten Movies to Avoid on a Date (Unless You're a Bit... Crazy)
I’ll admit, I’ve developed a rather unconventional taste in movies over the years. Some of the films I’ve watched fall under the "borderline unwatchable" category, leaving anyone with normal sensibilities questioning my life choices. If you want to keep your chances of romance alive, these are definitely not the films to suggest.
This fire extinguisher wasn't used for a fire (Irreversible)
To clarify, I’m not against shocking or disturbing movies, but I do have one rule: they must be aesthetically and technically well-made. I’ve recently watched three films that surpass even the most extreme entries on this list, but they’re so obviously over-the-top that including them would feel redundant. For the record, those films are Irreversible, Martyrs and A Serbian Film. All are notorious for their brutal, gory content (the latter is even banned in some countries), yet they’re undeniably well-directed. If you stumble across either of them, proceed with caution — your sanity and social life may be at risk.
That said, let’s dive into the top 10 movies that might seem interesting but will most definitely sabotage any romantic aspirations. Unless, of course, you’re aiming for that level of whacky or simply not interested in dating.
Top 10 Movies (That I Have Seen) Not to Watch on a Date:
#10. Blue Velvet
While Blue Velvet might seem like a romance at first glance, Dennis Hopper’s performance ensures that any romantic vibe will evaporate. When he shouts, "Baby wants to F***!" let’s just say it doesn’t exactly set the mood for Netflix and chill.
#9. The Cement Garden
This one stars a young Charlotte Gainsbourg in a disturbing, incestuous drama. The plot revolves around siblings whose parents die, leading them to bury the bodies and begin an unsettling sexual relationship while they keep their parent’s death a secret to everyone around them. Imagine this scenario playing out as you stealthily yawn and reach to put your arm around your date’s shoulders. Awkward.
#8. Surrender Dorothy
This micro-budget indie film made waves in the 90s with its shocking plot: a socially awkward man coerces his junkie roommate to turn him into a woman, in exchange for drugs. We’re not talking cross-dressing — think full-on hormonal treatments and at home surgery. If you’re looking for a fast track to a restraining order, this movie has you covered. (PS- I just realized it’s one of Elizabeth Banks first movies!)
#7. Calvaire
In this Belgian film, a singer gets stranded in a rural village where things quickly take a dark turn. He’s held captive by a man who believes he’s his wife and attempts to forcibly transform him into her. Oh, and there’s a scene involving pigs — enough said. Suffice it to say, this will not win you a second date.
#6. Benny’s Video
The opening scene involves actual footage of a pig being slaughtered. When first screened, audience members fled from the theatre — expect your date to do the same.
#5. The War Zone
Tim Roth’s directorial debut features a harrowing scene of sexual violence. While there are no pigs or gender-bending transformations here, it’s not much of an improvement in terms of date-friendly viewing.
#4. Schramm
A short film, but not short on shock value. From the director of Nekromantik (which was banned in multiple countries), Schramm follows a serial killer and his disturbing exploits. Prepare for scenes of self-mutilation and anatomically intimate violence. You’ll be flying solo after this one.
#3. Requiem for a Dream
Darren Aronofsky’s Requiem for a Dream is visually stunning, but not exactly a feel-good flick. The infamous "ass-to-ass" scene is likely to provoke awkward laughter from you as you look over to see sheer horror on your date’s face as they leave the premises. Not the reaction you’re hoping for.
#2. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
Based on real-life serial killers, this film took years to reach audiences because it was so controversial. One of its most disturbing scenes — a home invasion caught on videotape — is enough to send anyone running for the exit. Trust me, I’ve been there.
#1. Ichi the Killer
Ichi the Killer is infamous for its extreme violence, self-mutilation, and over-the-top grotesque content. While Takashi Miike’s film is a masterclass in directing, it’s anything but a comfortable watch, yet it’s so over the top cartoonishly gory you can’t help but uncomfortably laugh. Yet, thanks to the astronomical brutality, watching this with a date will guarantee you a one-way ticket to singlehood.
Honorable Mentions:
Salo, Straw Dogs, Deliverance, The Brown Bunny, A Clockwork Orange, and Urotsukidoji — all contenders for this list, but so notorious that I didn't feel the need to include them.
Notable Mentions:
Zodiac, Romper Stomper, Bad Boy Bubby, Audition, High Tension, The Hills Have Eyes, Tetsuo the Iron Man.
Movies You'd Think Would Be Bad for a Date, But Aren’t:
Surprisingly, anything by Dario Argento, Wild at Heart, Lost Highway, and True Romance